BadLoserBlitz chess: fast, exciting and fun. Who cares if it doesn’t do much for your overall game? Blitz is about reactions, pattern recognition and speed of both thought and movement. As long as you don’t confuse it with actual chess training, go for it!

Play online chess enough, though, and you’ll surely meet a few recurring characters. I’ve listed some of the most familiar faces below. How many do you recognise?

All blitz, no chess
This guy has only one thing on his mind: keep making legal moves until your clock runs down. Pre-move features heavily so expect him to avoid conflict with 1…d6, 2…c6, 3…g6, 4…Bg7 and so on. In the endgame he’ll waltz his King around the board without a care in the world as you snaffle all his pawns… only to lose on time.

Thinks you’re Houdini
You’ve just beaten him with a sweet tactic – and he’s not happy about it.
“Go to hell, ****ing engine!”
He’s not interested when you point out you blundered away a pawn earlier, something our silicon friends would never do. Take this outburst as a sign you’re playing well.

Player has disconnected
You’ve already played 5 games and you’re leading 3-2. He’s desperate for revenge but when he meets your Bg5 with a pre-move 0-0 you capture his Queen. He disconnects. You have to wait 1 minute to auto-win.

Claims to know your mother
Upon realising your pawn will promote 2 moves before his will, this guy reacts rather oddly. No “good game, sir” here. Instead he claims to be intimately acquainted with your mum – on a regular basis.
Two things: one, you’re pretty sure your mum has never been to Kazakhstan and, two, she’s like 60, ewwww.

The Gentleman
Let’s end on a positive note with this character worthy of playing the Royal Game. Win or lose he reflects positively on the art you created with “gg” (good game). In a position completely even on the board but with you only having 3 seconds on the clock, he offers a draw. When you sac a Knight then a Rook to invade with your Queen and make mate inevitable, he resigns and declares “nice tactic!”
You like him. You become friends.

Who do you meet most often? Do you know any not mentioned here?


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